Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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