rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The air was thick with penises
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
