so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
