They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
