i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
