why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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