the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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