you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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