Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
