a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i dont even know how to be here
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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