I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
