He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize