so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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