i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
