i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
