Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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