I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
