I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
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