Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
