This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize