She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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