He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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