I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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