Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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