I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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