yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
