she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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