could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
