Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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