i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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