from now on my penis is your penis
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
