I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
