I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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