Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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