He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this just has baby written all over it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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