i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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