My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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