i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
