based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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