Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
