I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
