He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
