He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
