I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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