I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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