i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
