My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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