apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize