Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
