My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
