I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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