Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A+ Viking dick
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