Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
