Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
