god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
