a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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