My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
