Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
