you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
