Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
