Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
