The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
