its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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