I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
