Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
