i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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