totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
